I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You took a bar mat shot.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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