I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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