Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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