I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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