And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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