standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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