Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There's always time for handjobs
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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