i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
