would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
