My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I cut my penus on the lid.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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