I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
