Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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