i would punch a child for taco bell
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
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She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
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He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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