i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
