just tell him i said nine months
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
