He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
