you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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