I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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