Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
