I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
