Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
