Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
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