You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
