I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
