Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
