To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
