I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
