FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
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Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
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There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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