What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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