just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
