at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
