she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
