Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
