I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
