Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just want to make out with him forever
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
