i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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