I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
