I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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