I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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