ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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