He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
