She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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