Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
