I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
