We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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