Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
