I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
