I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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