I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
