Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
