do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
