If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
