I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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