the condom got lost in my hair
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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