I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
