Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I bet he comes in French.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
