So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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