Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
