i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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