dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
