it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
