Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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