you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
