Heybabeimwearingurpanties
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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