Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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