No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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