Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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